Unequal Gifting: Should You Give Your Children the Same Amount?

“When I found out they’d got more than me I was disappointed. Actually, I’m still upset, all these years later. I can see why they did it, but it still hurts.”

We’re paraphrasing a client here – because unequal inheritance is just so sensitive a topic.

It’s manageable, as we suggest below, but we can all relate. Someone well-intentioned, giving more to the child who had a hard life, and less to a successful child, is a familiar tale.

Academics who study the nature of gifting (yes, they exist) emphasise that we are social beings. The University of Worcester say that human evolution has taught us we’ll be more successful if we help others – because they will help us, later. This reciprocal altruism is a far more common force than the idea of the ‘survival of the fittest’.

In other words, we’re hard coded to give gifts – equal or unequal.

Unequal inheritance echoes across generations. Say you have three children, one of them has three kids, another has an only child, and the third has no kids.

Your kids have all done fine. How do you give to your grandkids? They’re all under 18 so you might have to entrust the money to your children … or two of them. Good luck with that.

These days, gifting appears to be more popular. Boomers have done well from decades of equity and property bull markets. Younger generations lack those tailwinds, and even face all sorts of financial headwinds, so parents naturally want to help.

Only you and your family know what’s right to give, when, and to whom.

But do please remember a few things.

First, communications are essential. A gift from the blue will almost always startle – and not everyone likes being surprised. Share your intentions. And start early because you may need to do more persuading than you expect. Sharing is preparing.

Second, protect the money. Gifting money isn’t the end of it – it’s the halfway point. History says wise, long-term investments beat cash accounts. Common sense says investing can offer more life options than a short-term splurge. Even a sensible investment can get halved by a divorce.

Get some advice from your wealth manager or financial adviser about all this. They’ll also have gift wrapping recommendations – to protect it from the erosive effects of inflation and tax. We’ll leave the coloured paper and ribbons to you.

There’s also a Budget coming up on 28 October 2026 and, at the time of writing, we know the Prime Minister hasn’t ruled out tax rises. So that’s something else we could discuss.

Spend enough time looking at this – like we do – and you hear all sorts of extreme cases. A parent insisting on a pre-nup, so their child doesn’t lose family money? Check. Gifts to children pegged to the rate of inflation? Check.

Whatever path you choose, you’re likely to encounter difficulties. Some of those you can manage and others you’ll just have to take.

But we urge you to talk to us first. We’re hard coded to listen and understand. And we can help you structure your inheritance, your wealth and indeed all your financial affairs in a way that avoids many of those difficulties.

Get in touch with us at hello@firstwealth.co.uk or call one of our experts at 020 7467 2700.

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